


I don't think I could be as brave if you left me

by crazy4malex



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 02:47:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crazy4malex/pseuds/crazy4malex
Summary: Alex realizes he has to give Michael a reason to stay after Michael shows him his spaceship.





	1. Chapter 1

Alex watched as Michael’s trailer moved back over the bunker. Michael had stayed down there. He got in his vehicle and sat there for a second. Then he sucked in his breath and opened his satchel. He pulled out the missing space object he was going to show Michael. Now he knew he wouldn’t. Couldn’t.

Alex hated himself for running again. He had told Michael that he was ready to start over again, or at least where they left off that morning after they had made love all night. He had panicked and said friends, but he didn’t want to just be Michael’s friend. He didn’t want to be away from Michael again ever. He missed the love and tenderness they had shared the night Alex had gone into Michael’s trailer.

And he hadn’t needed time to process everything like he had told Michael. After all, like he’d said, he had known about aliens for a while and had suspected Michael was one since his father’s rants. No. He’d run because he was shocked Michael had been working on a ship to leave them all. To leave him. That was why he’d run away.

He drove away and knew he needed a drink. Michael was planning on leaving him. Even after their night together, he’d been planning on leaving in his ship.

Michael swore to himself. He was an idiot for showing Alex his ship. That had somehow been the final part of his explanation that had overwhelmed Alex to the point of running. “I’m sick of running..” went around in his head. But you did anyways Alex. Again. Michael sighed. Only this time he had hope. Alex had said he needed a little time to process, not leave for good. He could hang on to that. Alex loved him. That gave him butterflies in his stomach. He was flying high on that alone.

Alex walked into the Wild Pony and watched Maria do her mind tricks on an unsuspecting customer and smiled when she had taken the tourist’s money.

"Very impressive" Alex said as Maria poured him a drink.

They made small talk until Maria told him he was pining and hopeful about ‘museum guy’. Then they had talked about Michael and he’d heard Maria’s heartfelt apology and that it meant nothing to her.

He believed her. He just felt hurt anyways. But what he really wanted was to talk to Maria about everything he’d learned and how he was trying to deal with Michael wanting to leave. Even after Michael had said their love was cosmic. Cosmic! And he still showed Alex the ship he was planning on building.

But he couldn’t finish his ship. Not without Alex’s piece. Alex knew it was wrong to keep the piece from Michael. It wasn’t fair. But he couldn’t let Michael just leave.

"Look, Alex, I know Michael loves you. He’s always a mess when he comes in here to drink. And I know it’s always been over a guy. I just didn’t know who and would never have guessed.“ Maria said with a thoughtful expression.

"And I can tell you this, I’m surprised guys ever get together when they don’t know how to communicate. You and Guerin come in here when you need a problem solved or to sulk over one. You need to talk, not drink. You aren’t going to fix your problems at the bottom of a bottle of booze.” Maria advised.

Alex sat up straighter and pushed his drink away. “You’re right, Maria. That’s what both of us have been doing for too long.” He’d tweaked her nose and left the Wild Pony. Maria had helped him after all.

He wouldn’t solve his problem at the Wild Pony. He had to face it. No more running, Manes, he told himself. And this time nothing Michael said could make Alex run. He had to talk to Michael about his wanting to leave, and to say how he really felt. That he didn’t want Michael to leave. He had to talk to Michael and bare his soul. After all, Michael had bared his to Alex. Left himself vulnerable to whatever Alex would do with the information he’d given him.

He pulled up in front of the trailer and realized how desolate it felt. No wonder Michael wanted to leave. What did he have here? No real job, no one to care about him. Sure he had Isobel and Max, but they had their own lives.

He was pretty much on his own out here in the desert. What reason did he have to stay? Up until two months ago, he’d thought Alex was gone from his life for good. He had been for 10 years. So he needed to give Michael a reason to stay. And running away every time something bothered him was not giving Michael any reason to stay. Good one, Manes, he berated himself.

He got out of his vehicle and seeing how dark the trailer was at only 8 pm, he figured Michael was either still in the bunker or out to get drunk. If he was in the bunker he had to come out sometime. And if he was at the Wild Pony, Maria would send him home, knowing where Alex was going.

He sucked in his breath and did what he had come here to do. Convince Michael to stay.

Michael was tired. His head was pounding. He had been at his notes for hours. Thinking about Alex made it impossible for him to concentrate. He needed to stop thinking. And he knew where to do that.

Alex felt the trailer move and held his breath.

Michael came up and put the trailer back in place. Then he frowned when he saw the light on in his place. He climbed the steps and opened the door. He didn’t know what to expect. But it hadn’t been Alex, on his bed. Naked. There was only one thing he could think of to say.

“Is there any reason why you’re naked in my bed?”

Alex swallowed but didn’t back down from what he wanted.

“I didn’t leave earlier because I was trying to process everything you’d told me. I ran because you were making a ship to leave in. You were going to leave everyone behind. You were going to leave me.” Alex said hoarsely.

“I know I never gave you a reason to stay before so I am now. I love you and I don’t think I could be as brave as you were if you left me.” Alex admitted.

Michael tried to swallow but his mouth was dry.

“I know what you’re thinking. You think we’ll have 'epic’ sex and I’ll be gone before morning. But you’re wrong.” Alex announced.

“You mean we won’t have epic sex?” Michael smirked.

Alex’s lips twitched but he knew Michael was reverting back to his sarcastic self to avoid being hurt again.

“I’m not leaving this time or any other time Michael. Not again. Not ever. And I know you don’t have any reason to believe me, so I’ll just have to keep showing you.“

Michael nodded. His only acknowledgement of what Alex had said.

"And now we have epic sex.” Alex said, reaching for Michael.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex realizes he has to give Michael a reason to stay after Michael shows him his spaceship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for ctrb92 on AO3 (because she wanted Alex to give the object to Michael) Here you go hun! ;)

Alex woke up the next day to a sleeping Michael. He smiled as he took in the innocence his features took on when sleeping. His cute messy curls, his vulnerable mouth, not spewing sarcasm to hide his soft heart, and his gorgeous broad chest. Alex had a thing for his cowboy's furry, expansive chest.

He leaned over, not able to resist his cowboy another second. He softly ran his hand across Michael's rippled stomach, while kissing and rubbing each nipple with his lips. Then he let his hand wander up into Michaels curly chest hair and run them through the delicious feel of them, grabbing those curls softly. 

When Michael still didn't wake up, it gave Alex a moment to think. He knew what he had to do. He got out of bed, put on his prosthesis and his clothes and quietly let the trailer, not wanting to wake Michael.

Michael awoke to the sound of a car door slamming. He looked over at where Alex was supposed to be and saw he was gone, and his stomach turned to lead. Alex was leaving him... again. He had promised and Michael had believed him. He lay back with his hand over his eyes and cursed himself for trusting Alex once more. He waited for the truck to start up, but heard a truck door slam again instead.

Michael looked out the window and saw Alex walking back to the trailer with his satchel over his shoulder.

Michael sat up and slipped on his jeans from last night. He was just zipping his zipper when the trailer door opened and Alex came in.

"You're up." Alex stated the obvious.

"Changed your mind about leaving?" Michael couldn't help the dripping sarcasm. 

Alex knew Michael was feeling exposed regarding his feelings once more. Michael had woken up with him gone again and was upset. Alex felt sad that that was Michael's first thought when Alex wasn't around when he woke up. But he knew it was his fault. And he would have to show Michael, as he'd said last night.

He bit his lip remembering the reason he's gone out to the car to begin with.  
He opened his satchel and pulled out the alien object that matched Michael's ship.

"I went out to get this." Alex explained, handing it to Michael. 

Michael looked at the large piece and back up at Alex.

"Where did you get this?" He asked in amazement. It was such a large piece. He flipped it over and over again.

"I found it in a bunker under my cabin. Jim Valenti gave me the cabin and Kyle found the bunker and I found this piece hidden in a wall down there." Alex explained. He was anxious about giving Michael another piece towards building his ship and leaving. "Jim Valenti must have put it there. He knew the aliens were real, now we know why." Alex finished.

Michael looked up hurt and angry. "Why didn't you show me this sooner? You've had it how long?"

Alex couldn't lie. "A few weeks."

"So you knew about me around the same time you found the object and you didn't think I'd be interested? Even before you saw my ship you should have let me know about this piece. It was mine! You knew that." Michael spoke gravelly and with gritted teeth.

"I didn't...I don't know why I didn't show you earlier. We were never in a good place." Alex tried to get out. 

"Yeah, and whose fault was that." Michael threw back at Alex.

Alex swallowed. This wasn't going as planned. He'd thought Michael would be happy about this.

Alex suddenly realized Michael was trying to pick a fight. All his pent up emotions needed an outlet. Alex would let him rant at him and use him as a verbal punching bag. Michael didn't like feeling vulnerable and that's what he felt because he thought Alex was leaving him again.

"It was my fault that we were never in a good place." Alex admitted. 

"Damn right! You and your Daddy's rules. You went away to war over being with me. War! You would rather have risked death than be with me." Michael continued, really hurt at the thought of this.

"I had to, my father had threatened to kill you. He said if I didn't go, he would take more than a hammer to you and leave the pieces for the coyotes. And I believed him." Alex got out with a hoarse, cracking voice.

Michael stopped at that. "He what? That Bastard! He risked his own kid going to war and getting killed just to separate us? My God he must have really hated me." Michael was shocked.

"No, not so much as he hated me for being gay. How dare a son of his be some weak fagot." Alex said too softly.

"What the fuck was he thinking! If he thought you were weak how could he send you off to war, he'd have to believe being weak you wouldn't last out there." Michael realized.

Alex nodded. " He hated me enough to rather have me killed then disgrace him by people knowing he'd created a faggot." he said in a low voice.

"Alex." Michael softened his voice. The anger gone.

"And the reason I didn't tell you about the piece when you showed me your ship last night was because I didn't want you to leave me by giving you another piece. Bringing you one step closer." Alex swallowed past his pain.

"But you gave it to me anyways." Michael said in a whisper. "Why?" 

"Because after last night, I couldn't keep it from you. No more secrets. And the other reason is as old as time. If you love someone, set them free..." Alex didn't finish. He didn't have to.

"If they come back to you their yours, if they don't, they never were." Michael finished quietly, realizing what Alex was saying.

"Am I yours, Alex?" Michael asked swallowing.

"Depends on you." Alex said worriedly. He suddenly had lead in his stomach at the thought of not being enough for Michael to stay.

Michael thought about things for a few minutes and then picked up the piece again.

"I was building the ship because I didn't think there was any reason to stay." Michael said almost to himself.

"I know. I figured that out last night. And you do have a reason to stay. I love you Michael Guerin. I always have and that will never change."

Michael lifted his head from the alien object and looked back into Alex's eyes. " I have that reason to stay now." Michael's voice cracked. A tear running down his cheek.

"Michael." Alex said in a whisper, his emotions so raw.

Michael took Alex into his arms. "And even if I left, I'd come back, cause I am yours." 

"And I'm yours if you'll have me." Alex smiled. He held Michael tighter giving him the love and support he needed and letting his gruff teddy bear of a guy feel safe for once. Like someone really had his back. Loved him back.

"Oh you're mine alright." Michael said gruffly and leaned down to give Alex a melting kiss. 

When they came up for breath, Alex tasted tears. He whispered "It's alright, Cowboy, I've got you." and let Michael lean on him. 

Michael lifted his head off of Alex's chest and pulled back to look at him. He smiled, not ashamed, as he thought he might be, after Alex saw his tears.

"Okay, you want to go down to the bunker? I know you're excited to see how the pieces fit together. Even if you're not going anywhere." Alex asked with a smile.

"Mmmmm..." Michael growled softly. "I think I'd rather see how our pieces fit together first." 

And he took Alex's mouth in another deep kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me on my tumblr as well with the same user name. Crazy4malex.


End file.
